broken heart #4

You were a player, or as much of a player as any 8^th grader could be. You dated what seemed like every girl in our chorus class, but you seemed shocked when you found out I had a little crush on you. We were young and stupid. I still remember our principal screaming at us for making out in the hallways between classes. Kissing with tongue was wild in my eyes, and I wouldn’t let the fear of indecency in the hallways stop me.

You were easily distracted, though. I was bitter and jealous. When you went away for summer camp I told you I didn’t want to be with you anymore. It wasn’t until high school that I finally gave you my reasoning. I never thought that me dumping you would hurt you, but I guess you did care about me after all. I needed so much more attention than you could give.

Now you like boys.

broken heart #3

You were my rebellious stage. It wasn’t real rebellion, of course. It was 7^th grade rebellion where you tell your mom you only wear black now and you crush soda cans with your bare hands because it’s hardcore.

My friends hated you. Nobody could understand why I would want to be with someone like you. They didn’t find you cute and your style was questionable. Tripp pants and band shirts? Swoon.

We sat together in science class. The lights would go out for movie day and I’d feel your hands brush up against mine. We both acted like it wasn’t happening, but it always made my heart race. I always wished I had kissed you.

broken heart #2

I like to consider you my first real love. I was at least 6 inches taller than you, my friends teased me, but you were so sweet to me. I stuck a note in your locker telling you that I thought we should date. You asked me if I loved you. I said yes. We spent the next 6 months building up the courage to hold hands for the first time and another 4 months to kiss. We were more like close friends than anything, but I loved you all the same.

I was cruel to you, though. I broke up with you 5 times before our relationship finally ended. It was always for attention, always to see how you would react. Would you stop me from leaving? You always did. We were young and stupid. It wasn’t cool to be alone.

I had myself convinced that we would be together forever, but 11 months in I told your little brother to mind his own damn business, and your mom said we couldn’t talk anymore. You told me it was over.

Just like that, I didn’t speak to you again until my sophomore year of high school. I sat behind you in World History. You were terrified I was still in love. More than anything I just liked pretending to still love you because I knew it bothered you.

You’re taller than me now. You’re going to a great, big university and publishing all sorts of medical studies. You were always brilliant.

broken heart #1

We went to elementary school together. As far as second graders go, you weren’t anything special. You weren’t tall or unusually cute, but you liked me. That counted for something. There were three of us that you chased around the schoolyard. I’m the jealous type, but you always told me you liked me best.

You probably told my girlfriends that, too, but when you’re in second grade you don’t expect little boys to sell you lies when they’re kissing you on the hand. You were sly even back then.

If I had a diary, it was filled with stories about you. Always stories about you chasing me, and how much I hated you, but we all know I was playing hard to get.

In third grade our love came to an abrupt end. You got held back. I thought you were gone from my life forever. I was 18, just out of high school when I finally saw you again. I was working when you ran up to hug me. You told me you were in love with a girl. You told me you were in a heavy metal band. You asked me if I’d come watch you guys play. I smiled.

the little mercury zoo

Story time!

When I was younger I always wanted a bunch of pets. Mostly I wanted a little, white bunny, but my mom always said no. My parents jokingly bought me a stuffed animal rabbit one year and a robot hamster toy to get me to pipe down about wanting baby animals. I was pissed. We did have a family dog, and I loved him to death, but the dog wasn't my dog. I wanted my own pet. 

Well, let me just tell you what happens when you don't let your children get the pets they want. They go off to college where there's no rules and nobody can tell them they can't have cute baby animals, and they buy all the baby animals. All of them.

I was supposed to be getting just one bunny, but came home with two. I wasn't supposed to be buying mice at all, but they were cute, so I came home with two. My dad let our black lab and our german shepherd get a little too friendly, and now would you look at that? I have a puppy, too!

So here I am living in a tiny 3 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend, two other boys and our miniature zoo. It's a little crazy, but we make it work.

now spinning

Sometimes after a long work day you just have to treat yourself to a little present... like this Best Coast album! I've been playing this one on repeat since I bought it. Pretty much every song is a sad sort of love song, but Bethany Cosentino's voice is so gorgeous. This music gives me all the feels, and I love it.

hair dreams

Growing out a pixie cut is hard, and even though I've done it before, I completely forgot what a pain it is. The good new is I don't like my hair being long anyway, so it won't take too long for me to get to any of these lengths.

----------------------------------------------------

Way back when I used to blog over at A Hopeless Notebook, I wrote a series called 7 Broken Hearts that I published a month or so before I deleted my blog. I got the idea from another blogger, but can’t find her blog for the life of me now, and I can’t find my files with my old posts, so time to rewrite my broken heart series!

I love the idea of rewriting this series because now I’m a teensy bit older, and even with only a couple more years behind me, I view my past relationships differently. Be on the lookout for those posts in the next few days. They should be fun! Sappy, but fun.

the breakup

goodbye retrograde

Let me just take a moment to be thankful that Mercury has finally gone direct again because this retrograde was a little chaotic to say the least...

The good news is I got a puppy out of this retrograde (what was I thinking?) and I'm finally getting my blog up and running. Two or three year hiatus? No big deal! I'm a little older now and hopefully a little wiser, so with my Hopeless Notebook days behind me, hopefully this blog will become more of an outlet than a cookie-cutter cry for attention like so many of the blogs I used to look up to were. I'm ready to post things for myself for a change. I'm ready to meet new, exciting people. I'm ready to start feeling creative again!

Here's to Mercury Retrograde finally coming to an end!